The Story of a Name
Exploring identity and legacy through the evolution of a name. Today I celebrate 4 years of marriage with Scott and my full name.
I have 3 social security cards. All the same number with different names.
Kaci Lynn Reed
Kaci Lynn Florez
Kaci Lynn Reed Florez Little
My given name at birth was Kaci Lynn Reed.
Kaci - vigilant in war, brave
Lynn - a pool below a waterfall
Reed - long grass that grows in marshy areas
My dad came up with the spelling of Kaci. I doubt he knew the meaning of the name at the time. I also doubt he knew that I was born on the 554th anniversary of Joan of Arc’s death and “Kaci” would be the perfect name to draw a connection to her bravery. My parents picked it because they just like the way it sounded.
Lynn was a popular middle name in the 80s. Not sure there is much story there.
And Reed, that was from my father’s family line. It’s a sweet nature-y word, Reed. Bringing up images of peaceful sunset overlooking the marsh, but the truth is I never felt particularly connected to it. Maybe it’s because as a kid I didn’t spend much time learning where and from whom it came. I knew and loved my dad’s immediate family and first cousins. But for some reason I had less exposure to the rest of the Reeds, a large tight knit Irish Catholic family, who lived only a couple hours away.
Surnames were a strange thing as a kid going to family gatherings where I didn’t share the name. Like my mom’s family, the Boegels. Everyone there had the same last name but us. Or the Hoagland family reunions we went to in Montana every other year. Hoagland was my great grandmother’s name before she married. I often didn’t even know how I was related to some of the people there and would feel slightly like I didn’t belong because my last name was not Hoagland. (To be clear, they always made me feel welcome and I had fun.) But as a kid, trying to make sense of it all, I wasn’t always sure how I fit in.
But this brings to mind a thought I have often had… I really wish I could figure out what my last name would be if names were passed down the maternal line.
I recently discovered that my mother’s mother’s mother (my great-grandma) had the maiden name of Powers. Now of course that wouldn’t be my last name because we would really need to go back to the beginning of surnames to trace the line, but that would be a cool last name, maybe helping me connect with my own magical powers from a younger age.
The first time I changed my name was when I married Jhonny, I was excited to take on his last name, Florez.
My name went from Kaci Lynn Reed to Kaci Lynn Florez. I like the way it rolled off my tongue, the way it connected me to him, and my favorite part was how it translated to Flowers. Switching from tall grass to flowers felt poetic. He died unexpectedly three years later and I held that name close, feeling him whenever I wrote it down or said it aloud.
Three and a half years later, I met Scott through a dating app. On our first date, as he told a story of his childhood, a voice in my head said, “you’re going to have his babies.” Nine months later we decided we would stop trying to prevent pregnancy and within a month I was pregnant. I wasn’t surprised but Scott was stunned. “Already?” he asked. We were both happy, but maybe not fully believing what was about to happen. A few weeks later I began to get heavy cramps and spotting. I knew we had lost the baby and the previous lack of belief made sense.
But the loss solidified our desire to have a baby together. Once my body had miscarried and my hormones had rebalanced, we were no longer just preventing pregnancy—we were trying to conceive. Within a couple months, I was pregnant again.
“I want to have the same name as my child,” I told Scott. This was true AND a nudge that he needed to propose.
We got married three weeks before our son was born. When I was deciding what to put on our marriage certificate for my name it didn’t feel right to remove Florez and become Kaci Lynn Little. Florez had become such a large part of me. And Jhonny and I didn’t break up. It wasn’t a divorce. In fact when Jhonny and I got married I intentionally took out the words “til death do us part.” I didn’t want to put a rule on our union. But as I was about to build a life with Scott, it also didn’t feel right to just keep Florez making my name Kaci Lynn Florez-Little, like there were three of us in the marriage.
This is when I realized if I were to honor who I am, I needed none of it, or I needed it all.
We held our wedding outside at a local park in August 2020. Beneath three oak trees and the American River flowing in the background, we gathered with family and friends spread out on blankets and chairs for a socially distanced ceremony. After the ceremony we filled out the Marriage Certificate with my friend Maya who was our officiant. When we reached the line for my new married name Maya asked, “Will you be changing your name?”
“Yes,” I replied. And then for the first time I began to sign my full name… Kaci Lynn Reed Florez Little.
Writing Prompt:
Tell the story of your name.
The first time I did this was in a sweat lodge in Tulum at a retreat I was leading. The healer asked that we all introduce ourselves to the space and tell the story of our name. She started by sharing how she was named after her grandmothers and how she also was the carrier of their medicine work. The second time I told the story of my name was in writing. I read it at an open mic in a garden on a warm summer evening. This is my third telling and the first since bringing all parts of me together.
Now is your turn.
Upcoming Gatherings
Qoya Inspired Movement
August 10 - 1:00-2:30pm
At The Summer Moon Yoga
Theme of Class : Trusting the Journey
Monthly Meditation
AUGUST 9 at NOON
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